If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
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eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
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I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
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a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
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ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
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All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
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too cool for school.
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trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
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the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
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–^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
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definitely not watching what not to wear.
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forcing my dog to learn how to google.
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kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
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Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
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X is Loading ████████████ 99%
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Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
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U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
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X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
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Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
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I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
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In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
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X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
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never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
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a day late and a dollar short.
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Insert coin to view my status message.
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If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
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We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
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happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
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seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
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remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
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> $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
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20/20 hearing!
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